Demoted
by SneverusSnapers
Summary: Kirk thinks Scotty's getting too old so he decides to demote Scotty causing maniacal reactions from Scotty's behalf.
1. The Action

Demoted

"Red alert, red alert! This is NOT a drill. I repeat, this is NOT a drill!" shouted Kirk down the speaker.

"Captain!" Uhura started "You _know_ it's a drill. Why are you convincing the crew that it isn't one?"

"Look." explained Kirk, sounding slightly agitated "If the crew _think_ that they are under attack, then I can separate the cowards from the heroes!"

Uhura saw Spock raise an eyebrow in the corner of her eye.

"Right." Kirk exclaimed, rubbing his hands together in a warming action "Let's see how Scotty's doing."

"Scotty, what's happening at your end?"

"Several members of my section are working themselves up, but I don't like to give names, Captain."

"I _see_, Scotty, well I won't tell anyone it was you."

"Aye, sir, well it seems that Lieutenant Everon is coping well, without her, the whole ship would have stopped when I left the room!"

"And…" urged on Kirk.

"The rest of Engineering is in a terrible state, Ensign Redweed started cursing!"

"Remind me to send Ensign Redweed on to the next planet we beam down on. Oh, and make sure he's wearing a red shirt."

"Aye sir, Scotty out."

"One thing, Scotty."

"What's that, sir?"

"What is the dimension parallel to compounding the engine's captivity?"

"Can you repeat the question sir?"

"Never mind Scotty, never mind. Kirk out."

Kirk swivelled around towards Spock.

"What is the dimension parallel to compounding the engine's captivity, Spock?"

Spock answered in a flash.

"Relative, Captain. May I enquire as to what use was the question?"

"No, Spock!" snapped Kirk "You may not."

Lieutenant Everon entered the bridge. She wondered why the Captain wanted to see her. She hoped she hadn't done anything wrong. The moment the lift doors parted, a question was shot at her.

"What is the dimension parallel to compounding the engine's captivity?" Kirk questioned.

"Relative, Captain." she started "I have to urgently get back to Engineering, if that's OK with you."

"Yes. I mean No. You see, well, what do you think of Scotty?"

", sir?"

"Yeah, that's the one. Do you think he's a bit too old?"

"Old?"

"Yeah, old."

"No sir."

"Well, over appreciated then?"  
"No, sir."

"Ah, you're being modest."

"Modest, sir?"

"Yes, modest. What I'm trying to say is I think Scotty isn't as good as everyone makes out. CV's lie, you know. I'm going to demote him."

"Pardon me, sir?"

"Demote. Now this got me thinking. Who in the world could replace Scotty?"

Everyone could see it coming.

"No, Certainly not." she replied.

"I could always…fire you!" threatened Kirk.

"You wouldn't!" breathed Everon.

"Security, escort _Miss._Everon out."

"Ok, ok." Everon gave in "I'll take the stupid promotion."

"Cancel that." Kirk spoke into his communicator..

"I'm WHAT?" shouted Scotty, his face as red as a tomato.

"Demoted, gone down a level, you know." Kirk said plainly.

Kirk had made sure he spoke to Scotty behind a screen, so Scotty couldn't hurt him. Scotty hammered at the screen in rage.

"Wait 'till I get you!" Scotty screeched "Just wait!" Then he calmed down, and said, a little worriedly

"This is just to wind me up…isn't it? You were getting bored."

Kirk shook his head solemnly. He made a mental note to get Spock to deliver bad news from now on. At least Spock didn't have emotions. It couldn't get to him.

Scotty's anger had now melted down into desperation. Kirk almost cursed as Scotty went down on his knees and pleaded.

"Please, it's me life, me livelihood! I live on me job! I survive for it! Take _anything _else away!" Scotty paused.

"Apart from me Whisky." he added quickly.

"Look Scotty." Kirk started "I found a good replacement. It's all for them. " _and because I won't have to pay such a big retirement fee. _Kirk reminded himself.

"Who is the replacement?" snapped Scotty "You might as well tell me that!"

"I can't really." Kirk murmured.

"I'll find out sooner or later!" Scotty reminded Kirk.

"Ok, Scotty, you win. I might as well tell you. It's Lieutenant Everon."

"Ha!" Scotty shouted "I'll feed her poisoned whisky, I'll strangle her with me kilt. I'll blow her up with me bagpipes! I'll, I'll…"

Kirk was just about to tell Scotty to calm down, but Scotty had just left in search of Lieutenant Everon.


	2. The Reaction

Demoted Part Two

Lieutenant Everon walked into her quarters and threw herself down on the bed. She wondered what Scotty's reaction would be to her taking over his job. Just then, she spied a bottle of Whisky sitting on the table. There was a note-card propped up against it. She moved closer.

'Congratulations on the promotion!" it read. She un-stoppered the bottle, felling that she needed a good drink after the hectic day she'd just been through. She was just about to pour a glass when McCoy burst in.

"Whiskey?" he said on sighting the bottle "That's not good for yer health, give me the bottle now, I'm yer doctor and I'm confiscating it." He took the bottle and turned towards the door. "You don't have any Romulan Ale do yer?" he asked, his voice dropping to a whisper. Everon looked astounded

"For medicinal purposes of course." he added. Everon shook her head. "Shame." he said sighing, and with that, he left.

Spock arrived at sickbay for his annual medical check-up (McCoy held them as sparingly as possible). When he saw no-one his brow creased. It wasn't like McCoy to miss an appointment…He stepped forwards and was thrown mysteriously into the air. Crashing into the wall, he leapt to his feet, looking around for the obstacle he'd tripped over. It was McCoy. Lying on the floor, a bottle of Whisky clasped in one hand…

Kirk was sitting in the Captains chair when –bleep- -bleep-. He jabbed at the sickbay button.

"Kirk here."

"Spock here."

"Spock? What are you doing in sickbay?"

"I arrived for my annual check-up when I found Doctor McCoy lying on the floor with a bottle of Whisky…"

"Ah…that stuff kills, y'know."

"More to the point, Captain, the whisky is poisoned."

"Poisined? You're sure of that?"

"Yes, Captain. Quite sure."

Scotty cursed. His first assassination attempt had failed…he should have known that McCoy would have turned up and drunk it… Oh well. He'd just have to try another method. Scotty picked up a thistle and began daubing the most deadly poison known to man on to the spines. Scotty gave a maniacal laugh…She wouldn't escape this time…

Spock was tired. He didn't want it to show, but he was tired. He arrived at the Engine room as the Captain had ordered and looked around for Everon. Apart from a couple of men in red overalls, the room was empty. Oh well. He could wait. Sinking into Lt. Everon's chair, he sighed deeply.

"YOUUUUCH!" he yelled before he could stop himself. He had sat on something rather prickly, although he wasn't sure just what. Suddenly he began to feel very drowsy. He was drifting away into blackness. Down, down, down…

Scotty cursed. His second assassination attempt had failed…he should have known that Spock would have turned up and sit on it…Oh well. He'd just have to try another method. Spreading his Kilt tripwire over the door, Scotty gave a maniacal laugh…She wouldn't escape this time…

Sulu was bored. He didn't want it to show, but he was bored. He arrived at Everon's chambers as the Captain had ordered and looked around for Everon. Apart from a couple of solemn paintings, the room was empty. Oh well. He could wait. Crossing the threshold, he sighed deeply.

"YOUUUUCH!" he yelled before he could stop himself. He had tripped over something rather rope-like, although he wasn't sure just what. Suddenly he began to feel very drowsy. He was falling into a pit. Down, down, down…

Scotty cursed. His third assassination attempt had failed… he should have known that Sulu would have turned up and tripped over it… Oh well. He'd just have to try another method. Scotty fitted his bagpipes with poisonous gas. Scotty gave a maniacal laugh… She wouldn't escape this time.

Chekov was upset. He didn't want it to show, but he was upset. He arrived at the Engineering store cupboard as the Captain had ordered and looked around for Everon. Apart from a couple of shrivelled up mops the room was empty. Oh well. He could wait. Opening a box, he sighed deeply.

"YOUUUUCH!" he yelled before he could stop himself. He had breathed in a gas through something rather tartan, although he wasn't sure what. Suddenly he began to feel very drowsy. He was sinking to his knees. Down, down, down…

Scotty cursed. His fourth assassination attempt had failed… he should have known that Chekov would have turned up and breathed it in… Oh well. He'd just have to try another method. Scotty cooked his most deadly haggis. Scotty gave a maniacal laugh… She wouldn't escape this time.

Uhura was ill. She didn't want it to show, but she was ill. She arrived at The Engineering lady's toilets as the Captain had ordered and looked around for anyone. There was a weird lady dressed in a kilt with bizarre glasses.

Scotty looked through his glasses. His vision was rather blurry, but he could tell the woman in front of him was Everon. He grabbed a knife out of his pocket, because the phasers would set off an alarm. He grabbed the unsuspecting Everon (Uhura) and put a knife up to her throat. He then dragged her into one of the cubicles. In there was a haggis!

For several hours Uhura went missing. She was being force-fed haggis by Scotty. Whenever she threw up Scotty would make her eat the sick! Sick, she didn't mind. Anything was preferable to the haggis!

Scotty took off his glasses when the haggis was finished. Then he noticed it was Uhura. Scotty sighed. Why did he bother?


End file.
